Just to keep me from thinking about waiting. Every second I sit here with myself brings me more realizations of things I may have ruined. But even trying to sleep is hard. I can't bring myself to actually sleep. Last night I lay awake for an hour, tossing and turning, thinking and on the verge of tears every moment...
This is terrible! Give me something to take my mind off of everything...Sunday won't come soon enough, and I have nothing to do tomorrow...there are some worthwhile distractions on Sunday...but they are still two days away!
I don't have the heart for climbing...I can barely write anything...I drove around the lake yesterday and wasted two hours...but I was still alone and it gave me nothing but time to think.
The frustration is building and I know I'm being impatient. I feel like the child in the back seat of the car, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
Or watching the teapot, waiting for the water to boil. It feels like ten minutes have gone by, but when you look up at the clock, you are surprised to find that only one single, solitary minute has passed.
I hope everything isn't wrecked. I hope I'm not alone. I would just like some answers...so I can know where I stand.
This happened once before, but the result was terrible...I suppose I'm a little scarred from that episode.
But I hope this is different...in a better way.
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